Saturday, August 14, 2004
i never knew things wouldn't turn out as i expected. i always thought that friendships lasted a lifetime. no matter through rain or shine, we'd always be together. like CLOUDS. whether or not it rained they are still in the sky. i guess its true when they say there are no eternal friends, only common interest.

i wanna take off people's masks. they say one thing, they do another and the cycle repeats itself. over and over like the water cycle. never ending, a life long process. i find myself walking aimlessly down corridoors, through doors, and passing people by. i don't feel like saying hi. i don't feel like saying anything at all. i just want to pretend you don't exist, that you are just part of a dream, and you will disappear when i wake up. the hurt. the pain i feel whenever you make me feel hurt. you don't even have to say anything, i feel it inside, like a silent msg u pass to me through unnoticeable waves that flow from you to me. why can't things go back to the way it was before ?

today we learnt to be more resilient, and it somehow connected with me, everything the woman said. sometimes i can't help it but cry, i feel everything has changed too quickly, too drastically. i was forced to change. forced to step out of who i was and become someone quite different although i was still the same. i changed from the noisy senseless me to someone who had to be responsible. it isn't easy, having to keep nothing from going wrong, making decisions sacrificing stuff i loved. yet it hurts when you all don't understand it actually isn't that glamorous being me after all.

if i could, i'd put a padlock on time and never let things change again, i'd make things remain as they were before. i'd understand . i'd make sense of everyone's nonsense. i'd understand why they do the things they do.

say i'm naive say i'm nice. say whatever u like. i don't hate any of you. but there's that stinging feeling down somewhere in there that tells me i can't make it through any of this. i must pull through. i must. and i will no matter what u say.

nothing ever went smoothly in this life. i know other people face problems too. yupp i'm not alone and i'm not the only one suffering in silence. they are just like me, keeping the pain hidden behind smiles and laughter. hiding from the world and ensuring no one finds out the stab we've endured.

the world may be unfair but at least GOD isn't blind, he blessed me with friends who care. who have faith in me. these people brought me all the courage i need. they brightened my life and made it a more exciting place to live in.

shoE ||| 12:09 AM

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